215 Upper Richmond Road (Inside Daley Fitness), Putney, London SW15 6SY

Who really has it all figured out?

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Who really has it all figured out?

There’s plenty of pressure these days - pressure to succeed; pressure to look your best, be happy, have an exciting social life, be the best parent and pressure to have a cool lifestyle.

Every year we look to wipe the slate clean, say this year it’s going to be different.

Sometimes it is, most of the time life just keeps on ticking over.

I’ve written about the journey vs the destination before, but what happens if we aren’t the ones defining the destination, no wonder the journey seems such a massive slog and ultimately unsatisfying.

In every newsagent, magazines line the racks with beautiful images of toned physiques and happy people. Instagram provides daily (even hourly) updates from people who just seem to have life in the bag.

My god, not only have they done their amazing workout by 8 am, they’ve set up a new business, been given some designer clothes and eaten an artisan avocado based cheesecake, and they still have abs to show after the meal!!

If only we could realise that the life we have is under our control and it can be curated just like the cool fun packed lives on Facebook.

The difference being is that our self-worth and value of our undertaking doesn’t need to be observed to have value.

Imagine waking up without being really stiff, having the energy to play with your kids, feeling like you don’t have bloating or getting out of breath walking up stairs, or learning to listen.

People don’t tend to make updates that highlight things like these, achievements in well-being and mindfulness.

They tend to be statements about their achievements or things they’ve seen or done (holiday’s, marathons, great nights out, people they met. )

I remember when I stopped feeling pain in my knees, it was weird because I suddenly felt like part of me was free. I hadn’t realised how much of my thoughts and energy had been tied up dealing with a low lying level of pain and discomfort…

I’m not sure I could sum it up in a tweet or Instagram post…. Perhaps a video of me getting out of a chair without a grimace…!

A post unlikely to get 500 shares and likes!

But really, is that where 'value' lies?

We are told that our lives need purpose and impact, in fact, this is what we now expect our lives to deliver. Many of us were brought up that way, in sharp contrast, the real world shouts "YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL".

Cue a generation of individuals with lower self-esteem.

How can you compare when on social media everyone sounds like they have it all figured out?

I say this is not your fault.

There is no problem with the need for approval of one's peers, or the broader tribe.

I find though that it’s difficult to know where you stand.

The traditional ‘Tribe’ or ‘Pack’ doesn’t exist. In smaller communities, everyone had a role, and that role was of high value, whether it was hunting, child care, leadership, or food preparation.

Many people lack those tight-knit tribes or deep connection, particularly in London. That need is embedded in our DNA.

London’s a big place with lots of people, most of which you will never meet again. We aren’t always doing something interesting, certainly not social media update worthy….

In the mobile phone world, our friends can cancel on us when something better comes along. This means even positive human interaction can come with an underlying anxiety.

We are increasingly living in a world of instant gratification, looking to technology to make something easier or solve a problem that traditionally needs an internal commitment to excellence.

In the 1960’s technologists believed that computers would reduce working hours and create a new era of leisure. I think we’d all agree that the very opposite has happened.

Businesses, friends and marketing now have a new found access point to our personal time. Before billboards were on motorways and train stations, you couldn't take the tv with you everywhere. This has changed with mobile phones.

How many of you are compelled to check Facebook or your work emails every hour after returning from work? I really feel the pressure.

I see plenty of people on their phone whilst working out. Trust me there’s no health no app that will deliver your long lasting meaningful results and personal discovery, it’s a slow messy process. Only you can really judge whether you are achieving your goals

Social media doesn’t do patience very well, and here’s the thing learning patience should be the real goal.

Again, it’s a slow and difficult to communicate process - all those things that really matter in life; love, mastery of your body, skills in business, art, knowledge, and wisdom etc all take time to achieve.

Our journeys can be long and tough; there I said it! I’ve really struggled with this idea over the years.

Why even start then?

I get itchy when training, I get annoyed that I’ve not mastered something. I have to keep telling myself off for jumping ahead.

How do I keep this at bay in this area of my life?

I have a system, and I follow it. The systems I use are flexible because life get’s in the way, but they are consistent. They provide me with a dose of free will when life get’s complicated and expectation and impatience get’s the better of me.

Plus, if you don’t ask for help you may fail.

If we don’t take time to learn patience and realign our expectations we may never find real joy - just float through life with envy for other people's achievements (or those they feel they want to show you)

Inspiration happens when our minds wander, being constantly connected and observing other people's lives is taking away those precious moments.

Many of us probably feel we aren’t working unless you're at your computer and your fingers are moving. Imagine being with someone who never stops talking, if you’re always talking when are you listening?

“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.”

― Zeno of Citium

I hope the article above provides some food for thought. I don’t have it all figured out. I have some things figured out pretty well (training and nutrition) and that’s why I started Hounds of Health, but in other areas of my life, I’m facing the same things as everyone else...

I also offer small group, semi-private training. Here is an opportunity to connect to people (phones off), bond through exercise and have a laugh.

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